The Liberal Lens: Finding Life in the Moment

One of my friends in high school killed themself.

I’ll remember the second I realized it was him forever. The whole student population was aware of it by that point, except for me.

Guys form friends in probably the strangest way: just being in the same place as one another is enough.

His name was Jake, and I think about him often.

Jake the Airplane Kid

We met in Health class, and I saw a kid who was ostracized from the group, and he would be bullied often by everyone around him.

Then one day, the teacher, Shap, put him in the desk next to mine. And I didn’t really care, I was very serious about school. I was there to learn and go home, that was about it. Oh, and chess club, but that’s another story for another day.

Jake would draw in his notebook about airplanes and the sky. One day, after peeking over and seeing another airplane in his book, I turned to him and asked him what he was drawing.

Enthusiasm Unlike Any Other

He told me a story of how his family would do construction, and he snuck on the scaffolding. He was able to climb up pretty high and get close to the sky, and he told me how he would watch planes. This happened often, as he would sneak on his family’s construction sites and climb wherever he could. It was the talk of the town apparently, although I never heard the town really talk about him.

But once he started talking, he would not stop talking. I would listen to him chattering, and I would agree and laugh and listen to him.

That’s just who I am as a person. I like to listen to people. I’m a writer and like to base my characters in stories off of the people I met. And he was another person to study, another person to add to my list of characters.

And he was incredible.

He had enthusiasm that I thought was impossible to have, and he had it in spades. He would chatter and talk and gush all about his planes and how he would love to be an airplane pilot one day, or how he wanted to work on planes so bad.

And then the semester ended, and we no longer shared a class.

Losing Touch as Friends

I invited him up to our catwalk where my entire friend group was. He enjoyed it. And he solely would talk to me, and I would talk to him in between classes on the catwalk, and he would tell me all about the planes.

Until he stopped showing up at the cat walk. He texted me saying he didn’t feel like he was able to make friends with my friends, but we still texted and I texted back.

Until he stopped texting. Then I would meet him in the hall and wave and say hi where I could, but he and I were in different grades, and he was very elusive.

Until he killed himself.

I learned it in a hallway, after hearing the 20th whisper about the kid who shot himself to death. Nobody could see it coming. They didn’t even know he went to our school. And if we did know, he was a weird kid. And his name was Jack or Jake or…

Jake.

I texted his phone. No answer. I pressed the kids around me gossiping about him for his name. They had no idea. I talked to teachers. Nobody would give me answers. I looked for answers online. I found a memorial by his mother. My heart shattered.

I never learned how he died, but I do know it was because of suicide. I never learned his motivations, but I have to imagine it was because he felt disconnected with his friends, and he pulled away. But I can’t say that for certain, and we should not speculate about someone who can’t speak up for themselves. It’s not kind.

I should have reached out more. I should have made sure he was okay. I should have talked with him more. I should have made an attempt to make him a part of the friend group.

But it’s not wise to blame yourself for another’s death, unless you are the one who killed them.

If you notice a friend pulling away, or someone not responding as often, or being negative about themselves, or whatever.

Reach out. Pull them back in. Make sure they are OK.

You might just end up saving a life.

Jake, buddy, anytime I look at the sky and see a plane, I think about you. I hope you’re doing better. You deserved better.